Death

I have never felt so close to death as i did yesterday ... it almost felt as if it was just a matter of choice - no strings attached. For a moment I thought of how sad my family will be ... i could even imagine their faces and then it dawned on me ... i will never be around to see the pain ! I mean evrything will just stop .. I will never know what happens next ... nobody to tell the story ...  so simple really ! (Death looks beautiful in the movies .. when there is somebody to tell you what happens next) 

So why did i want to die .. welll cos i dont really like anything .... i mean i have no complaints, but i have no passion either. and having realised that u can never know the truth  its only a pain to go through the everyday ritual. 

But wait ... something stuck me  .. if nothing really matters i should be more free ... If i am free to make choices of death, am i not free to choose in life ? 

P.S - I am perfectly safe and watching Biwi No 1 .. please do not worry or speculate