Saturday, November 01, 2008

Shotu ani Mothu - 4

sasu : santukkya ... maa na tui atwan yete salki. Me na atwani la lagonalas aae ani na haklunas denal aae ata

santu : tabada?

sasu :  Mag .. ti na wedus aae. Tia tais talat nai. Tadi pan eun batte. Asa lokan kale jatat ta        tadipan ? mag ti maya kale aae ki maa sagga kaam sodun tiya kades lassha dyawa laggta.               Mag tais talta eet nai sasu la. :(

santu : :)

sasu : Pan santukkya ... me tia haklun dia ani ti palatas nai aai tal ? mag maa bhitis watte tishi.     Mag ti nigun gei tal kay oil le ?

santu : Nais nigun danal. Mi palatas patwin tia tuyakale 

sasu :  yeeyeyyeyeye :)
 Ani tua maitiye ka santukkya ...  tu maa to white white bunny dia ota na  .. me tyasa naav             tuk tuk bunny tewlay. Ani na tuk tuk bunny sa ani atwanisa affailas aae. Tuk tuk bunny                  baael aa na .. ki atwan pan bael ete tyasha mago mag .. ti salki tysha balobalas filat atte.                  Me tyala pan manla .. tu kapatas basun laa. Naital tu aa ki atwan pan yeil .. mag sasulas                  tlas oil :(

santu :  asa nai talaysa wedu .. appa plem aae na  .. tasa tyansa pan plem aae .. Mag tuk tuk                         bunny la waait watel na ?

sasu :  ooooo ... Mag tu tuk tuk bunny la sang ki salka nai kapatatun bael yaysa ... sasu latli mau   mau dulai geun sopun gea na .. ki magas bael padaysa ..mag atwan aali tal sasu sagga                     laksha atwani kales deil sopnat :)  

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Fooling myself



I try to fool myself in countless number of ways - the latest being sketching. I am trying to convince myself that i have added another feather to the already (illusionarily) heavy cap  and that i am trying to be myself  .. whatever that means. 


Monday, October 20, 2008

Guilt

I went to a place i had never been before. I needed to park my vehicle. I looked around for signs - there was P1 and P2 as usual. I thought of the date, it was 19th october - perfect i told myself, parked it under P1 and went inside. I was extremely happy for finding the right place to park - something that only people living in pune city can understand. Assured of my vehicle i went on my business.  
              But to my surprise i found my vehicle missing. I was surprised - never had i heard about the police picking up vehicles parked at the right place. Moreover, the mandatory chalk mark indicating where the vehicle was taken was missing. For the first time in my life I hoped wished and prayed that the police had indeed taken my vehicle.
               I went to the police station - to my relief i found my vehicle there. I was again extremely happy - wow that was a record of sorts - being extremely happy about something - twice in a day. I argued with the man there that i was not wrong and that there had been a mistake. To my relief another female complained of the same thing .. that she was right ( Now people can argue that since both of us were women - we essentially lacked the traffic sense - but i will choose to ignore this comment. ) He was in no mood to listen. Ok - i finally resigned - will you give me the reciept or i will have to wait for someone ? U will have to wait - that is if you want the reciept - he hinted. YES - i wanted the reciept - I dont remember when was  the last time i was so sure about something - anything. So i waited - on and on  .. finally the officer incharge arrived. I paid the customery 150 rupees - I was again happy - for not having paid the corrupt man and insisting on having a reciept - atleast the money will go to the government i thought. 
               Well - the officer gave me two reciepts - one for hundred and one for 50 . The 100 was authentic. The 50 reciept signed by her junior was similar to any other fake reciept that people generally procure. It had a stamp - it resembeled the finger that people these days so commonly  show .. yeah quite appropriate i thought. 
                But the most interesting part was this - i was actually extremely angry at them - for the corruption. So angry that i actually came up and wrote this post  :) .. never mind what i did about it -  I was angry really .. i dont remember when i felt extremely angry last time. And then in retrospect i understood the reason. I am jobless .. and somehow thats empowered me so much .. to be angry, to be happy. Whenever i had faced corruption earlier .. something held me back from getting angry - GUILT .. of earning so much ( so much can be debatable). I felt i had no right to complain if people were trying to make a living - fair or not fair. I paid the taxes then . I pay nothing now - yet .. there is this sense of being the jobless common man who has to face all the brunt .. it is so relieving :) 
           

Monday, October 06, 2008

Is it ok to be ordinary and mediocre ?
Doing what you want is perhaps the most difficult thing in life ... or is it knowing what you u want ?

Monday, September 08, 2008

Khush hain wahi jo .. thoda betaab hain

Thursday, September 04, 2008

The Innumerable Pizza Huts

I read a board outside the pizza hut. "Entry Rights reserved"
I didnt like it. Not that i was not allowed or something. I cursed the multinationals and their forced ideas of being IN, HIP and civilised. Rather of being fit to live. Its OK .. i shrugged. Perhaps i really dont fit here i told myself.

I had a flat tyre. I pushed my cycle all along to a cycle shop. There was truck parked outside the shop. The shop wasnt very big. Just like the road side shops offering to fill up air and remove the puncture. I told the owner that my cycle needed air.
Two of his friends sat there. He filled up the air.
Do you do the oiling as well ? i asked as he was working on the tyre
yes he said.
Ok. Please do that.
He went inside to keep the pump. Then he looked at his friend. I dont know what passed between them. But he just went and sat.
Oiling? i reminded.
woh 'cycle' ki dukan mein milega, he said with a tinge of superiority
I didnt understand it for a second or two. Then i recalled the truck parked outside.
Ok, i smiled reluctantly. Heres the money, i offered
Its OK he said. Keep it with you.

I remembered the sign outside pizza hut

Friday, August 08, 2008

Kamal ani Pani

Kamal panyat budat nahi … kiwwa pani tayla budwat nahi.
panyacha tyachawar khup prem aahe …. Ka panyacha nailaj aahe ?
ani nailaj nasta tar tyane budawla asta ?
kamalasathi kay changlay he kon tharawnar ? kamal ? pan tyane tar budun pahilach nahiye.
Kamal budat nahi hyat haar nakki kunachi aahe …. Panyachi ki Kamalachi … ?Kadachit 'haar' ha shabd chuktoy ... Premat haar nastech ... kiwwa nasawi .. mahit nahi
Panyane he sweekarawe ki kamal budnar nahi ... karan kahihi aso.
Mag kamalane kay karawe ? Tyacha pan panyawarti prem aahe na .... Tyala awadta ka panyala dukhawna ? .... Mag te ka Budat nahi ? Kamal budala tar te kamal rahil ? Nahi ...
Pan panyane tar kamalawar prem kelay .. kamal kamal rahilach nahi tar panyala te awdel ?
Mag panyala nakki kay haway ?
Me sangu ...
Dukkha :)
Karan Pani mhanala na te masochist aahe


Kyun Naye Naye se Dard ki Firaq mein talash mein udaas hain dil ..


PS : Khara sangaycha tar .. Panyala character chi garaj aahe .. Mhanje tyala kunalach budawta yenar nahi . kunala budwawa asa watnar pan nahi

PPS : Panyala character milala tar panyacha kamlawar prem rahil ka ?

Independence madhe detachment naste ka ?

Mag detach jhalyawar te prem kasa urel ?

PPPS : Mag prem mhanje faqt 'soy' aahe ka ?

Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Shhhh....

Silence .. the golden word !

Thursday, July 17, 2008

I have tried hard to be Dnyaneshwar - alas, i am way past 17 .. But may be, times not up for Gandhi :)

Thursday, June 26, 2008

B'cos I have chosen to live ... !

Friday, June 20, 2008

I have been unfortunate to witness two deaths in last 4 days. -Both quiet similar to each other. First of a friend's father and the other of my real uncle.
My friend's father's case was an open and shut case of accident. Everybody knew he could die and it seems everybody was 'ready' for it. The only thing that went out of the usual course was that somebody had the heart to rob him off his money , mobile and gold when he lied there unconscious - fighting fo his life. Brilliant piece of humanity I must say.
My uncle's case on the other hand comes much more as a shock - probably because it happened at such a pace that it was difficult to sink it. He had been a jolly healthy man until a few days back - pretty much like a 20 something just graduating - thinking he has forever to make all the dreams come true. He had just had a nice chat with a few relatives that evening - probably he was even planning about what he will do in the coming months - "there are so many things to do - could somebody please stop the time !" Well - this time, time did stop - forever.
Though I have been staying in a hospital for all my life ( no i am not a mental patient - my parents are doctors), I must confess I had never been to an ICU, and though I have seen my parents waking up or returning at unearthly hours and worrying about the patients life like they were relatives, I had never given death a thought. So the hospital trip was as eyeopening to me as the dying man must have been to gautam buddha. I nearly missed a heart beat when I saw him in the ICU.
He had a brain haemorrhage. He was immediately admitted - rather admitted, operated, observed, medicated, operated again ... till they had exhausted it all - treatment , money and hope. In The initial days we thought he could get up any moment then. But moments turned to hours to days to a complete month. People had been so anxiously looking for a sign of recovery that they even reveried that they saw him blink. Alas ! So we had an unconscious man - who did not feel talk or underatand. All the ekta kapoor serials suddenly started seeming true when we came across the big word "coma" and we were typically left with a single answer for all the questions - 'we dont know' . Will he regain consciousness ? will he talk ? will he walk ? will he remember ? will he survive .... ? We dont know. We tried consoling each other by telling stories about how such pateints have miraculously survived - some after a year - 2 or even more. One of my relatives even went to the extent of telling a story of how a person who went into coma before independence woke up after independence. ... Thats all we could do after all.
Then one evening - his heart started having a problem. The BP droped, it was artificially kept up. He stopped breathing, was kept on a ventilator. His brain was dead. But now there was a bigger question to answer. How long should this go on .. just how long ... ?The minute the ventilator was taken out - the game would be over. I dont know if other people have a right to decide whether a person should die ... irrespective of however bad life it is. I feel extremely fortunate not be present there to decide - the life and death of a person - more so of a relative ... of some body very close to you ... to decide for a death which ends all the pain for that person - but with that, all the hope of seeing him alive. But somebody has to decide .. and so they did. The ventilator was sent to rest ... until next death.
At this moment however, i dont feel sorrow or loss - I cant help a sad smile - at the human beings .. the hollow hypocracy of human achievement and progress ... and their superlative insignificance in the grand scheme of things.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Shotu ani Mothu - 3

ससु ला न लातली सोप्न पल्ल । ससु आनी संतू नं आपडी ताप्डी केलत ओते । सासु न एक्ल्लम गुड बॉय सालका वागत ओता तालन संतू त्याला गाजल देनल ओता :) । पं तिकले न एक वेग्लास बलीक ससु आला । मग संतू ने ससु ला माल्याव्ल्स तेउन दीला । आनी न नवीन ससु शिस बोलू लागला । मग ससु ला लाग आला अनी ससु सा नाक एक्ल्लम पीन्क पीन्क दाल अनी ससु लादाय्लास लागला । अनी मग ससु ला जग आली तल संतू ससु श्यास बाजूला दोपला ओता । मग ससु सोताशिस हसला अनी माऊ माऊ दुलाई गे उन शोपुं गेला । पं आता न ससु बलीक ओनाल आए मुई । अनी मग बलीक दाला की न संतू श्या खिशात च जाऊँ बस्नाले । मग दुस्ल्या ससु ला म्हना टूक टूक

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Taklumaal Maalpani ani Shemduddin Beg :)

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Tere vade pe jiye hum, Ye jaan jhoot nadan,
Khushi se mar na jate .. 'gar Aaitbar hota ..
- Ghalib

Saturday, March 08, 2008

Sahela Re ..

I had thought i got rid of you- your existence and your extremely irritating love for silence - forever. Completely ignoring our previous love affair, i had moved ahead, fully sure that Mothu was the only one for me - the only love. Until that day when i heard Mrs kishori amonkar sing Sahela Re. It cut me so much deeper ... and somehow it was not Mothu ... it was so mch beyond him .. It was YOU.

What the hell !!! ... It took me back to the days ... when we were so much in love ... You were the only one for me .. everything back then seemed perfect - i blindly loved you, and thought that you care - that you will not let anybody suffer -

And then - I betrayed you - or you betrayed me ... doesnt matter really. Didnt want to do this - honestly ... but you left me with no choice. I opened my eyes to see .. and i couldnt find you anywhere. I searched, reasoned, consoled myself, searched again.

I HATE YOUR SILENCE !

why didnt you just come and tell me what you wanted ...

But its over now. I loved you far too much to accept the fact that you are not fair - that the world is not fair - instead i chose to believe that you do not exist.

And honestly .. i am much happier since then - far too afraid of the world ... but happy. happy with the feeling of being alone. Nothing seems rosy - but then nothing matters now. I feel like any other person - neither burdened nor empowered by your love. I have accepted my defeat ... or the victory - its all the same. In fact everything in ths world is the same as every other thing.

So then you will ask me why am i still alive - good question really! .... cos i am afraid .. of death .. well, not exactly that .. actually, ... i have a faint hope .. to discover the TRUTH and somehow hope that it proves - You are fair.

for i = now to finding_truth
process_GOD = SUSPENDED
next i

Bye Bye - Sahela Re ..

Thursday, January 31, 2008

The War Is On ...

The War Is Lurking About ... I Have Choosen To Win The Bout ...
Is It All About Choices? .... I Hope I Survive To Find Out !