Sahela Re ..

I had thought i got rid of you- your existence and your extremely irritating love for silence - forever. Completely ignoring our previous love affair, i had moved ahead, fully sure that Mothu was the only one for me - the only love. Until that day when i heard Mrs kishori amonkar sing Sahela Re. It cut me so much deeper ... and somehow it was not Mothu ... it was so mch beyond him .. It was YOU.

What the hell !!! ... It took me back to the days ... when we were so much in love ... You were the only one for me .. everything back then seemed perfect - i blindly loved you, and thought that you care - that you will not let anybody suffer -

And then - I betrayed you - or you betrayed me ... doesnt matter really. Didnt want to do this - honestly ... but you left me with no choice. I opened my eyes to see .. and i couldnt find you anywhere. I searched, reasoned, consoled myself, searched again.

I HATE YOUR SILENCE !

why didnt you just come and tell me what you wanted ...

But its over now. I loved you far too much to accept the fact that you are not fair - that the world is not fair - instead i chose to believe that you do not exist.

And honestly .. i am much happier since then - far too afraid of the world ... but happy. happy with the feeling of being alone. Nothing seems rosy - but then nothing matters now. I feel like any other person - neither burdened nor empowered by your love. I have accepted my defeat ... or the victory - its all the same. In fact everything in ths world is the same as every other thing.

So then you will ask me why am i still alive - good question really! .... cos i am afraid .. of death .. well, not exactly that .. actually, ... i have a faint hope .. to discover the TRUTH and somehow hope that it proves - You are fair.

for i = now to finding_truth
process_GOD = SUSPENDED
next i

Bye Bye - Sahela Re ..