एक शोतिश्शी लो स्तोली

शोटू आणि मोठु - १

मोठु : मग ..... काय म्हणाली आजी ... उशिरा येण्या बद्दल ?
शोटू : :)
ओल्लाल्ली
शोटू ला

मोठु : :D
ताय मटली ?

शोटू : मी मनला ती मोठु होता न ...
तल ती मनली ... ती तो पन शेमला आए अनि तू पन ... तुमाला ताइश तलत नाई :D

मोठु : :D
मग आता ती आईला नाव साग्नाले ?

शोटू : आईला माइतिश आए :)
शोटू श नाव

मोठु : मग आई तुला तोंदुंन तेवेल ?

शोटू : नाइश ताई ... मग मी तुश्या क्ले पलून एइल
मग तू माला तुश्या घलात तेव्शील न ले मोठु ?

मोठु : ओ ओ ओ ..... माश घल तयाल दाल ती नत्ती
:)

शोटू : :(
तोपलेंत शोटू कुते शाइल ?

मोठु : आपन न शोटू साती न १ घल तयाल तलू

शोटू : मग शोटू ला बदुल्बुआ ने उशालूं नेला तल ?

मोठु : शोटू शोटू आए न , मद तिश घल लग्गेश तयाल ओइल

शोटू : :)
:)
:)
:)
शालेल

मोठु : तो त्या घलात एउस्श शक्नाल नाइ कई
मोठु : ते घल शोटू इक्कश शोटू असेल

शोटू : शालेल
शालेल
शोटू ला घल
शोटू ला घल
शोटू ला घल
मोठु ला पं घलात घ्याश ... शोटू ला मोठु थूप अव्ल्तो ....

मोठु : :) शालेल

शोटू : :)
:)
:)
शालेल
शालेल
शालेल
शोटू आनी मोठु
शोटू आनी मोठु
शोटू आनी मोठु
मोठु : मत्त मत्त मत्त

me ek kavita "tayar" keli :) ... pan nantar kalala ... mala ti kadhi lihaychich navhti :) :)

sometimes i wonder if i really want the answers ..... or i am just a masochist ... wallowing in my helplessness ....


may be like the song ...

Kyun Naye Naye Se Dard Ki Firaaq Mein Talaash Mein Udaas Hai Dil ....

CONTRADICTION

"I just want you to be happy", i say
(and i want u to be happy with 'me', in my heart i pray)

"no expectations and no promises", i proudly claim
(oh please dont leave me !, my heart exclaim)

"I love u in the true sense, i want u to go places"
(of course i trust u love me ..... but then, ... why r u still in your senses ?)

Was love suppossed to be such a big contradiction?
i want u to be happy in ur own suffocation.

dont know what i actually doubt...
your love or my eligibility for the same ....

Tu

Saw ‘tu’ yesterday …. Khup khup awadla … my eyes literally had tears. It was like coming home … back to something that was so mch a part of me … something I had somehow lost … it felt like gaining it back … love, liberation …. Bliss.

An absolute sense of belonging to him and yet complete liberation … from the wrongs, the fears, the insecurity …. Everything seemed pristine, pure .... everything reflected him … including me ….


Tere rang mein main rang jau,
Mere rang mein TU…
Allah o Allah ....

kavita

somebody made this poem on me ....



A confused girl with curly hair,
Thinks she's sure, but never quite there.


One day she stands up and says she's fine
And then starts cribbing the very next line
She feels she's complete all by herself,
Needs no soul to accompany or help
Then she picks her phone and calls a friend
Dare he be busy! she feels but pretends
'Its allright' she says...'nothin serious'
I dont need anyone....now isnt that obvious


But now its interesting....what does she do
Grows harder outside, inside she does moo
She knows she depends but that then offends
Which one of these are you?
She likes to believe she 'is' what she would like to 'be'
Alas! my friend....ideals are far away from thee.
Rather cry out loud on feeling sad
than arguing within that this is bad
Wouldn't it be better to just be yourself
Right and wrong and heaven and hell
Theories these are one never knows
what hurts more...a thorn or a rose?

I AND IDOL

According to me, idolizing somebody is perhaps the worst thing u could do to him.

So u are an ‘x’ person…. Confused, puzzled, impulsive and lost trying to find ur way out ….and ur idol, resolved, unshakable, principled, balance personified, … somebody who has answers to the critical “what is right and what is wrong”. It all starts with respect for him and then the respect grows by leaps and bounds .. till u become blind with the faith and completely surrender urself to him. This doesn’t sound selfish u will say … but wait … now starts the second act …. So now the other person is an integral part of u. and u make no qualms about accepting it .. on the other hand, u go on and tell this to the person. Make him realize what all u have been and are doin cos of him. Constantly keep on reminding him of the influence the person has on you. Intermittently talk of how you have been facing difficulties trying to act according to him and blow up emotional trumpets … something that’s called “senti maarna” in hinglish. (well, senti maarna sounds very cheap and though that’s none of ur intention, finally u end up doing just that)


Now, the idol himself gets overwhelmed by the respect you shower upon him. Being the good guy that he is, he is conscious of his influence on u and takes utmost care to be balanced in ur case. Now u get a little more selfish, and leave all ur philosophical and imaginary burdens on his shoulders. U are free to speak up ur mind whenever u want without giving it a shred of thought … ofcourse, cos u r supposed to be confused !!!!! and leave it to him to make sense out of it. U r free to behave the way u want .. bcos u r impulsive(didn’t I say that in the 4th line ?) and so u absolutely refuse to take up any responsibility whatsoever… right, cos u r lost. That’s what I call absolute freedom !!!!!!!!!!!!

And now ur idol, the great one, having been denied the freedom of making mistakes, struggles to make sense of whatever u do, taking care not to make mistakes, trying not to force up his views, trying to minimize the suffering u undergo cos of him and positively wanting to get u out of this. He thinks, ponders, introspects, fights with himself, curses…. pulls out his hair !!!!
But he manages it all for u … just that now he s a little confused and puzzled and sometimes… mind u just sometimes gets impulsive ….

CREATIVITY ?

I dunno why is it that u never get to experience something in its purest form. Why everything has to be tinged with a certain not so favourable occurance or emotion to make u realize the imperfection of the thing u felt so nice about. Creativity for example.
Creativity is somehow cursed with an undeniable tag of ego to it. Sometimes I wonder why creativity is not free flowing … selfless, constructive, free of the need of appreciation , of praise, of possessiveness, of control … why is it so impatient, intolerant, impulsive.
Why is it that an artist needs to ‘hear’ it that a certain piece of art is good …or let us look at it in the very root … why is there a need to show it to smbdy else in the first place? Why isn’t the artform enuf in itself to provide him with all the solace in this world? Howmuchever our civilized modesty fool us into believing in the opposite , the truth remains that there is an urgent need to putforth, to tell, to show and ‘MAKE SURE’ it is seen by people who can appreciate it and ‘IT COULD COME TO U’ (this is always the subconscious effort)
And unfortunately, it doesn’t stop at this … creativity is intolerant … it detests interference … until u r madly in - 1. love or 2.awe of the person interfering. It wants everything to be its own – very own …the more others contribute, the more the joy is diluted … and it is possessive as well …. Somehow somebody else touching ur piece of art always causes an impulse of pain.
Creativity is selfish … It wants to give, but always with a tag of ‘me’ in it … ‘I’ suggested /worked hard/implemented/made sure/designed this. … ‘I’ made it better than it was … maybe I make it sound worse than it is, but that’s because I am worse than the others J

Once hridaynath mangeshkar was complemented by sanjeev abhyankar .. (plz do not take this lack of prefix adjectives like pandit to be my arrogance … its just that I am completely unaware of their hierarchy) . The latter complementing the former that his music was divine … and the former replied , “I mite be a good artist, but definitely not divine … I wouldn’t be here singing in front of u in that case… I would have relinquished ths and retired to the Himalayas … its my NEED to sing in front of u … “

Sometimes I think may be ‘uthal panyala khalkhalat far’ fits here perfectly. I guess its some kind of an insecurity that u feel … ur doubts about ur own creativity that creates the need of external approval … of being constantly reminded/assured of being creative … perhaps if u r ‘absolutely’ creative … nw ppl can argue on this and to be honest I ‘absolutely’ clueless about ‘absolute creativity’ … but then may be if u r either gifted enuf to have it or lucky enuf to develop it … u could be all that … pure, selfless, free, unaffected , balanced … no longer being tied by somebody else …. Just unadulterated bliss ….

For beginners though, we could start with questions like, “why did I feel the need to publish this blog ?” :)

.... Helpless hypocracy

Prem mothe majhe tujhyahun,
Fusharki ne man sangta,
Karan tujhyatun mala kadhta hi
‘Tujha’ asa tuj pashi urta !

Pan kharach swarthy nahi re man
Nase rosh – tujhe majhya palikade hi astitwa
Matra matsar watto tyas,
Karte swatahchi pokalta aswastha …..

"nakale maj kay jaali jyada ....
tujhya wirahachi aag ki tujhya astitwacha tej !"